So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
