I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
