I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
