You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
