Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
