Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
barbara walters just said penis...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
