She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
