Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
