in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bring me that man meat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize