how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
