I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
