I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
