He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
