Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize