hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
