LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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