my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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