We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
