Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
