if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
