thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
