Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize