I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
