Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
