I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
