And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
