Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
