I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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