If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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