Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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