I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
