Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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