I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
