i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
