I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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