So drunk its hurt
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
