he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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