Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize