You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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