someone get that fucking seahorse.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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