I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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