I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
