are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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