i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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