Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
