i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
