You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize