Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
