physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
