So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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