It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
