"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize