She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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