First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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