i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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