I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
