i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
