you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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