Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
God, I missed his penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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