Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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