I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I supernannyed him into submission
The Olympian is in my bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
