I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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