you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
