He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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