operation harelip BJ is a go
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you never un-have a 4some
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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