HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
