then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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