her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
