I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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