I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize