in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
